The Art of Forgetfulness
The solution to being stuck in problem-solving.
— “Being wise is knowing what to overlook.” —
That’s William James, often called the father of American psychology. It sounds clever, but what does it actually mean? Read on, reader, and we’ll see if we can’t get to the bottom of it.
Modern life is crowded. We have apps. We have emails. We have texts. Appointments. Friends, and spouses, and children, and… need I go on? On top of that, companies spend billions of dollars a year to take up any space they are allowed to fill just to try to get us to point our eyeballs at them. In every waking moment of our day-to-day existence, a full-frontal assault is being carried out on our attention. Most people check their phones first thing in the morning up and see notifications. We are being interminably and ceaselessly “notified”.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be productive. To ‘stay on top of things’. Time is a finite resource, and we want to spend it valuably. Plus, it feels good, and real-life, tangible rewards to this ‘maximizing’ mindset. But there’s also an unseen, insidious cost to this approach - one that lies right on the edge of awareness, grinding away at our wellbeing day after day after day. By way of illustration, picture this:
It’s 11pm. Your day is done. You turn out the lights and lie down to sleep. Did you get everything done that you needed to do today? You went over your checklist - okay, that’s reassuring. And did you respond to that email from last week? You did. Alright! Time to rest… But real quick - let’s look at what you’ve got to do tomorrow before we nod off - you’ve got that meeting across town at noon. What will you do for lunch? Should you pack something or just eat out? Oh! And do you remember that you told what’s-her-name you’d get back to her from last week? Don’t forget! Whew. Glad you remembered that. Check the clock? It’s 11:03 pm. Time to go to sleep… But wait–
Reader: if Polymarket could take odds on whether or not this is what your mind is doing at any point throughout the day, I’d be betting daily. And odds are I’d be a rich man.
Most of us are stuck in thought. It’s unavoidable. We are incessantly ruminating. This is likely not new information to you, and simply knowing it isn’t likely to change it. It’s what we do with our mind when it’s in top gear and redlining like Vin Diesel that matters. The traditional ‘fixes’ don’t work. In fact, they can do more harm than good. That’s because what your mind sees as problems to be solved are actually problems to be forgotten.
We treat our thoughts like a high-stakes litigation. We gather evidence, build a case, and prepare for a cross-examination that never actually happens. We think that if we just "solve" the anxiety or "fix" the anger, the machine will finally stop. But the mind is a perpetual motion engine. As long as you are giving it gas, it will keep turning.
Solving a problem requires engagement. It keeps the files open on your desk. Forgetting, however, is a mechanical act of disconnection. It is pulling the plug on a motor that has been redlining in neutral for three hours.
William James wasn’t talking about being ditzy or negligent. He was talking about dropping the hot potato. Reader, if you are still reading you are probably an expert at the "Midnight Audit." You’ve optimized every area of your life except the space between our ears. You think you are "working through it," but you are actually just adding friction and fuel to a combustible engine.
The goal isn't to think better thoughts. The goal is to develop the mental strength to let the unimportant ones go unheard. It’s about realizing that most of the "urgent" notifications in your head are just spam.
It’s time to stop solving and start forgetting. We treat our minds like storage lockers for every stray worry, but effective intelligence is a fully-functioning filter. Forget the breakthroughs. Aim for the blackout. Stop looking for the answer and start losing the question. If you can learn how to forget, you can begin to take your life back.
